Cuddle Puddle Club : The F.A.Q.

So you've heard about Cuddle Puddle Club, and you're curious...

The idea of spending an evening receiving a back rub, head scratch, having your arm tickled, a hug, being spooned or held by someone makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside - but you're also a little nervous and want to be sure that it's a safe space, and that you have an idea of what to expect.

Welcome to the Cuddle Puddle Club Frequently Asked Questions where we'll hopefully help to ease your apprehension, inspire your curiosity more and have you feeling ready to join in!

What actually happens at a Cuddle Puddle?

The evening is gently facilitated from beginning to end. We start with individual settling - breathing deeply through a body scan to help you arrive in yourself. Then we move through playful conversational connection exercises in small groups to help everyone get comfortable with each other. Next up we connect in small groups where someone offers a touch - an arm tickle, a head scratch, a foot or back rub, a cuddle. Then finally we move into the group puddle itself - organic, consent-based touch that unfolds naturally as people find their comfortable spots together. Think cushions, blankets, heads on shoulders, arm tickling, spooning. The facilitator holds the space throughout by giving direction, inviting you to feel into what you do and don't feel like, encouraging you to express both your "yes" and your "no".

Is this sexual?

No. Cuddle Puddle Club is explicitly non-sexual and clothed throughout the entire evening. We are creating space for platonic intimacy - the kind of genuine human touch that nourishes the nervous system without sexual agenda. This is clearly communicated and agreed to by all attendees before the event begins. The explicit "no touch" areas include the sacral / hip area on both men and women, and the chest area for women.

Are there substances or alcohol?

No. Cuddle Puddle Club is explicitly a substance and alcohol free space. You are required to arrive sober, and stay sober. Cocao is offered as a delicious snack and gentle heart-opening stimulant however you do not have to participate if you do not wish to.

Are there snacks and drinks?

Yes! There will be some snacks and infused water available throughout the cuddle. You are welcome to take a break at any time to snack on something. Snacks and infused water are intended to be delicious, nourishing, and grounding for the body. We do recommend that you eat a light meal beforehand.

Is this a safe space?

Every effort has been put into curating Cuddle Puddle Club to be a safer space. We have created a price point and vetting process to help to get humans aligned with our values in the room, and exclude those we do not believe are the right fit. We have carefully structured a facilitation plan for the evening that takes attendees on a journey of connection - first with oneself so that you are able to access your body intelligence that informs your desires and boundaries, and then slow connection with others towards a final group cuddle puddle.

We include boundaries and consent exercises, we offer a Cuddle Puddle Club Manifesto which we ensure everyone reads and agrees to before they enter the room. Within the Cuddle Puddle Club Manifesto are invitations, expectations, guidelines and facilitator commitments. We also begin the evening in circle where everyone is invited to commit to the Cuddle Puddle Club Agreements.

At the end of the day we cannot guarantee a completely safe space - as we are all human and that means that we each have a unique and complex history, experiences, and wounding that might be triggered in a cuddle puddle. We however are committed to controlling what we can to create a safer space, being accountable to any oversights, and offering support should there be any need whether during the cuddle puddle or after.

I’m coming alone. Is that okay?

Absolutely. Many attendees come alone and find it one of the most connecting experiences precisely because they arrive without the social anchor of a friend or partner. You will be welcomed warmly and the facilitation is designed to help everyone feel safe and included from the first moment.

What should I wear and bring?

Wear comfortable, soft clothing - think pyjamas, track pants, yoga wear, or anything you’d happily spend an evening curled up in - jeans are probably not going to be comfortable. Bring a yoga mat or mattress, blankets, and pillows to create your own soft nest on the floor. Shoes stay off in the space, socks are welcome.

How does consent work in practice?

Consent is verbal and ongoing throughout the evening. You ask before touching - by looking someone in the eyes and speaking aloud your offering. You receive a no gracefully - by thanking the other person for their generous offer and then moving away. You offer a yes enthusiastically - verbally and with eye contact. Nobody touches you without asking first. You are always free to change your mind about any touch at any time - a simple “No thanks" or "I need a moment” or "I'd like to explore over here next" is always enough. The facilitator goes through the consent framework in detail at the beginning of the evening. We also have a page on how to ask and receive consent in our Cuddle Puddle Club Manifesto here.

What if I don’t want to be touched by someone specific?

You are never obligated to accept touch from anyone. Your boundaries are completely yours to set. You can simply say “not right now” or "I'm not feeling that right now" and redirect to someone else without explanation or apology. This is not only accepted - it is actively encouraged as healthy boundary practice. And as mentioned above, we encourage everyone to say thank you to someone who expresses a boundary in the space.

I’m nervous. Is that normal?

Very. Most people arrive with some nerves and leave wishing they’d come sooner or could stay longer. You're human and all emotions are welcome. The evening is carefully paced to allow your nervous system to settle before any touch begins. You will never be pushed into anything before you’re ready. There is always the option to step out for as long as you need and simply witness the cuddle.

Will my information be kept confidential?

Yes. What happens at Cuddle Puddle Club stays at Cuddle Puddle Club. All attendees agree to full confidentiality about who was present and what was shared. No photography or recording is permitted.

How are attendees vetted?

All attendees complete a registration form before receiving a ticket link. This allows the facilitator to assess readiness, intentions, and understanding of the consent framework before confirming a place. This process has been created to protect the safety and integrity of the space for everyone by ensuring that the facilitator knows who everyone is going to be in the room before they arrive.

What if I meet someone I'm attracted to?

Cuddle Puddle Club is not intended to be a dating service, hookup space, or play party. It's completely normal to find another human being attractive but we ask that you do not act on that attraction by trying to spend all your time with them in the cuddle, or by asking for their number after the event. If you really feel compelled to connect with someone after the cuddle, then please speak to the facilitator who can communicate your message to another attendee but please do not approach them directly.

What if I find myself sexually aroused during the cuddle puddle?

You are a human and experiencing sexual arousal is a normal physiological human response to closeness with other humans you might find attractice. However, in the cuddle puddle space it is your responsibility to manage your choices in response to any arousal you might feel. We ask that you do not express your arousal and that you take space if you need in order to regulate your body responses.

As a man you might experience an erection - and if so we ask that you make space between your body and another's and do not rub up against another person in the cuddle. As a woman you might notice a man's erection - and if so we ask that you do not shame a normal physiological human response. At any time if you need support to work through how you are feeling emotionally or physically - please let the facilitator know.

I'm coming with my partner, how do I prepare with my partner for Cuddle Puddle Club?

Sharing a cuddle cuddle with a partner can be a deeply meaningful and bonding experience, and what is so important is that you align your desires, boundaries, and expectations with each other before you enter the room. eg. Are we happy to cuddle others alone, do we desire to be in the same cuddle throughout the evening, what touch are we each happy for the other giving and receiving, what do we agree to do if either of us is triggered during the experience and how do we signal to each other that we need to step out together for a moment to navigate that trigger together?

Setting individual and a relationship intention could be a lovely way to align as well. eg. one of us might desire to experience touch from a same gendered individual, or we together desire to be part of a group with another couple or two other people, or we desire to receive focused touch at the same time from others whilst we're holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. And then create a plan for re-connection within your own relational bubble as well as after-care. eg. we agree to go home and spend the night together after, we have a debrief conversation where we share our individual experiences and discuss any challenges or insights.

The same conversation you might have with a partner you bring into a Cuddle Puddle, is also a conversation to have with a partner you don't bring with you. In this world of many differently configured relationships - our partner might not want to join us - however being transparent and open with your partner about what you desire, and having agreements and boundaries that honour relationship when they're not in the room is very good relationship hygiene and I strongly recommend it.

I'm at the cuddle puddle with my partner, and one of us is triggered - what now?

It's normal and ok for either yourself or your partner or both of you to get triggered when witnessing the other being touched by another human being. What is important is how you navigate your own trigger and / or theirs in the moment, and after.

What will be helpful is to agree on a signal or way to communicate with each other if either of you are triggered, and to then agree beforehand that you will step out of the cuddle together to reconnect and co-regulate. Take your time to breathe together, emotionally and physically reconnect and only return to the cuddle when you're both ready.

These spaces offer us all an experience that is human, connecting, healing as well as a sandbox to experience where we might still need to work through something that we wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to do without stepping into these kinds of spaces.

I'm feeling more settled, and excited to join the next cuddle puddle!

Fabulous! Please hop on over to the Cuddle Puddle Club Events page and complete the Registration Form to apply to join us. Once your Registration Form has been received, you will be vetted and will receive communication from Mary J with the ticket link to purchase your ticket.